Emotional Rollercoaster

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and then

http://www.pown.it/4861/9014689


all in a couple o hours

Lies

She struck a nerve, one of my sensitive ones,
A part of my history of lying as a child and a patch of bad communication made her say that she would not date me anymore untill she could trust me, not that we could not be friends.

Atleast she meant it, but I in spite of staying, was tensed up the rest of the evening.
When I got home and could relax I cried, Singing mournfull kanon with a siong I really like I could finally relax enought to cry out loudly.

Once again I stumble because of my own history, me, being slightly unfitting for the reality I inhabit.

Tomorrow is a new day, and a new chance,
I hope that I will have the elbowgrease and patience to make this work.


Nothing much has happened but something big has happened

All that you are

hum, måste bara shara denna grymma video

Loud tears

Allowed myself to cry loudly the other night, during a patch of extra sensitive personal development. Digging into why I am so sad, sad that I am not enough. Sad that I cannot find a place where I fit in.. Sad that I think my father was right,, I am just a weight, not contributing to the world i plauge with my presence..

A small step for man,


Hopefully this will ease my emmediate pains

Ode

An ode to you, the people around me that inspires me. The people that vexes my imagination, Anna you are one of those few people, Rebecka you are on of these few, perhaps not so much. Anna, your glow... is almost divine, suprising me at every turn, so alive. Your eyes, glowing like there was no tomorrow, your philosophy and your mind enveloping and consuming my tristesse. Being around you arouses me, I dont know to what end.. Not in any way i have felt aroused before, but rather.. something like being aroused by life. I am confused as to what end theese feelings go, but one thing is clear. I would like to have the eyes you have, I would like to see into your eyes and see my own eyes glowing back at me.
Sometimes my world feel like a dry place, but not when you are around, never when you are around... I would be happy knowing that you.. your essence was nearby coloring my world.
And thought I feel attracted to you because of your beauty, this is not why I am inspired. That beauty, Because you are genuinely beutiful just Increases your glow as a person but is almost nonexistant when comparing your souls glow.. shining bright light on you surrounding souls.

Thank you for inspiring me, warming me,
I have been warming myself for way too long now

Just a passer by

I have been wonderfully inspired by a classm8, and this song i found made me think of her, enjoy! PS, not liking drum and bass wont help, (play it on high volume and base ;) )
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=44LJLIVD

The city's beautiful
Feel it in the morning air
Love the smell of sunrise
Everything becomes so clear

I think you are beautiful
And you know it by one look
Did you long for summertime
When you were growing up

Well your life's just a breeze in eternity
Why not take this one chance and come fly with me
Just this once
Just this second that soon will be gone

If this second was your life
What would you do?
If this second was your life
I would love you
If this second was your life
Would you love me?

If this second was my life
I would love it
If this second was my life
I would love you
If this second was my life
I would happily die

The city's beautiful
In the early morning air
Love the smell of sunrise
And everything becomes so clear

I don't have to look to see
Today it's all so clear
Chimney tops start to glow
And that's when I will disappear

Cold

As I sit here, a sigh rising from my lips, a tear making itself known in my right eye. I realize how cold I really am.
How much I need a family, whell rather a community where I fit in, and thrive.
As is I, feel somethings missing.
Like something is not quite right..
and this feeling grinds me down, grinds my bones.

Peh, what is it I am missing?, what is it I am holding in, so heavvy that i cannot even realise it

I'm missing something