Thoughts

Seems I haveto find my own reasons for socializing again, redefining what I want and need and what parts of me I accept and or care for has made a small mark on my thoughts, I no longer can honestly say if they are good or bad thoughts, strange

Learning

I have been taught something, something valuable for me.
As a strict person and a hard to get close to person I had lulled myself into believing that my own urges had nothing to do with my socializing and social behaviour to other people.
I just got reminded that "no you are just hiding it for yourself" and was told to " loosen up"
Perhaps this is a step in the right direction.

The problem I have now is that I after recognizing my own feelings and their worth went and kissed three ladies in one night, strange as it seems, I dont see myself as a player atleast, this has put me in a bit of a conundrum

Solving this without hurting anyone might just be a tad bit tricky


I found a comet
And then I found another brighter comet, this is something i would not have considered before, but now the brightness is important.. enough important to let another comet go one asks oneself

I just dont wanto dim anyones lights.
Kisses from a lonely man.

Wrong

Sometimes I just feel the world should be a better place if I could tell it what it was doing wrong, why we should remove most of our distancing to people and focus on well beeing and life instead

I cant help feeling that alot of the social customs in use right now are supurfleous and just a big hinder for common well beeing.

I am sorry to say that in a society trained to discount and ridicule all ideas more than a standard deviation from the average inhibiting critical thinking in the masses, coherent explanations of observable social phenomena don't get much press.

And the biggest looser here are the ones that wont even listen to any such ideas, they have their set patterns of social life and wouldnt swap them for the world

How can I help them?, How can I even talk freely with them?

---

I am feeling a bit negative right now, and I hope some of you atleast hint a crum of truth in my incoherent ramblings

I am really mostly upset because I failed utterly in the attempt to communicate with the meteor I was chasing ever so shortly, I was largely ignored in my first attempt at getting to know it. Not even a miniscule message back.

I just dont like that and could ramble on on the subject "why"
but I will just say this, I could have become a great friend, I was just asking to get to know her more, no obligations implied... I imagine the ideas she might have used to verify the ignoring and I hate that they exist

It seems I was not worth even the effort to type some words back

Sigh

Star

Maybe we’re meant to crash from the sky,
To meet eye to eye like meteorites.

Am I just a spectator, in this meteoric game?
If I blink I might miss you, oh it is driving me insane.
Don’t tell me whats possible, just meteor shower me.
In my observatory I have studied the data,
elemental force.
I switch off the force field,
downgrade my defenses,
One Speeding Star!

This speeding star has all the chances in the world to take my shields down,
goddammit I am doing it again, leaving myself bare and defenseless, I cant keep but wondering if it's still worth it, If I am still

now its all up to me to find a way to lure a meteorite with a tail of fire to look my way
Stacking up on the courage
giving it a go
I dont wanto miss this meteorite, and it seems I do have a chance, although i say to myself that it is a small one.

I dont haveto keep putting my shield up,
I dont haveto keep reading the small print,

Forgetful

They say that the worst feeling isn't beeing lonely. It's being forgotten by someone you could never forget.

I think I might have forgotten that I am lonely or rather that I am not feeling well, perhaps I have lulled myself into not thinking about it, perhaps this is another defensive mekanism that my head has installed.. Tonight i voiced the fact that it has been four months since my breakup, this, in an totally unrelated conversation about sex.
The migrane that hit me then and there was, and still is massive. Psychosomatic reactions or is it just me and my mind once again trying to encompass bad things that happens to my own sad existence.

It hurts
I am currently looking out for something to ease the pain,

I think i might be looking in the wrong place


If I had someone that would be willing to dry my tears, I'd gladly love that person just as unconditionally as I loved you, it seems however that life is too complicated for some honest loving

A little humour to lighten things up

Thinking back, this is not so bad after all, perhaps I might even be able to smile about it,
soon