Progression

Melancholy shouldn’t be confused with depression. Melancholy is an active state. When we’re melancholic, we feel uneasy with the way things are, the status quo, the conventions of our society. We yearn for a deeper, richer relationship with the world. And in that yearning, we’re forced to explore the potential within ourselves – a potential we might not have explored if we were simply content. We come up with new ways of seeing the world and new ways of being in the world. Melancholy and creativity go together.

Short Reel IAAH from Nessim Higson on Vimeo.

A disturbing feeling

I have this disturbing feeling sometimes.

According to my hopes the world arranges itself in a way positive to me, or atleast can. I sometimes feel I have a handle on what is going on, feels like I was born with luck.
I keep this feeling close.

very close.

Recently i might be loosing that firm hold on life, recently.. I begin to realize how small a part of everything I am, how little of events I affect.. even when I try to affect the results are random and unpredictable. I begin to doubt my own expressions and feelings translation onto others,
I doubt that there is real closeness in the world.. but perhaps mainly I doubt myself, I doubt my supposed power and my understanding of things.
I sporadicly feel chaos coming over to say hi,

Still

I wanto believe that there is love in the world

because I have so much of it to give, so incredibly much, so much love for everyone and anyon
I doubt that anyone can or wanto listen to it

Or perhaps I doubt that anyone would wanto hear what I really wanto say, the pure feelings of affection and love that so frightens people I subject some of it on.
I still hope for a world where I can be myself, but for now, I hide in my shell, not exposing parts that might frighten others for their sincerity

Where is the pure sincerity in people, where has it gone?