A disturbing feeling

I have this disturbing feeling sometimes.

According to my hopes the world arranges itself in a way positive to me, or atleast can. I sometimes feel I have a handle on what is going on, feels like I was born with luck.
I keep this feeling close.

very close.

Recently i might be loosing that firm hold on life, recently.. I begin to realize how small a part of everything I am, how little of events I affect.. even when I try to affect the results are random and unpredictable. I begin to doubt my own expressions and feelings translation onto others,
I doubt that there is real closeness in the world.. but perhaps mainly I doubt myself, I doubt my supposed power and my understanding of things.
I sporadicly feel chaos coming over to say hi,

Still

I wanto believe that there is love in the world

because I have so much of it to give, so incredibly much, so much love for everyone and anyon
I doubt that anyone can or wanto listen to it

Or perhaps I doubt that anyone would wanto hear what I really wanto say, the pure feelings of affection and love that so frightens people I subject some of it on.
I still hope for a world where I can be myself, but for now, I hide in my shell, not exposing parts that might frighten others for their sincerity

Where is the pure sincerity in people, where has it gone?